With Fizzbox all set to embrace Halloween by wearing Halloween fancy dress in the office tomorrow I decided to take a look at some of the least sexy ‘sexy’ Halloween costumes out there. Let’s hope we don’t see any of these in the office tomorrow:
Sexy Ebola Nurse
Wrong on so many levels, and levels that shouldn’t need to be explained. Apparently fighting Ebola is ‘no reason to compromise style’, which in turn supposedly makes it absolutely fine to add the word ‘sexy’ in front of ‘Ebola containment suit’. Wear this tomorrow and you’ll find yourself in self-imposed solitary confinement. Straight up weird.
Sexy Buzz Lightyear
Hang on a minute. A sexy Buzz Lightyear? The toy with the huge chin? What a way to ruin one of everyone’s favourite movie characters forever.
Sexy Brian from Family Guy
The thing that I really can’t understand about this costume is that it is currently OUT OF STOCK, which means it must be popular. Is there really any way you can make a male, cartoon dog sexy? Didn’t think so.
Sexy Louis CK
Louis CK is funny. He is also a man, a man who is (happily) a bit overweight, nearing his fifties, and balding, and not afraid to laugh at himself either. However, I think he might die laughing when he sees the ‘sexy’ Louis CK costume that Playboy have put together over on their website. Show me someone who can make this look sexy and my brain will explode (not in a good way).
Clowns are sexy, right? When they’re not hiding in drains or amusing children, sure. UM. NO. Personally I don’t have a problem with clowns and they don’t freak me the hell out like they do people with Coulrophobia, but that doesn't mean they should or even can be sexy. Nope.
Sexy Police Officer
There is nothing sexy about getting a ticket. Nothing.
Sexy characters from children’s films? Seriously? You’d think it couldn’t get any worse than this right? Until I remind you that we’ve still got 12 more costumes to go after this one. Let’s take a deep breath and carry on…
I can’t say I’ve ever found a lobster to be attractive, intriguing yes, but attractive? Definitely not. This costume hopefully includes a warning telling whoever buys it to stay away from the kitchen in restaurants for fear of being thrown in a huge pot of boiling water.
I think that maybe someone got the wrong end of the food porn stick here, because as much as I love pizza in no way do I find it sexy. Well, maybe that is a little bit of a lie, but I definitely find it hard to imagine anyone considering this to be sexy. Now THIS is sexy.
Now I’m going to avoid any pink taco references here…crap. Well, I don’t think there is really much to add here, are tacos sexy? No, another case of food porn gone too far. Moving on...
Sexy Witches and Stuff
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just no. I would blame whoever cast Angelina Jolie in The Maleficent, but this problem has been around far longer than that film. Witches and the like are supposed to be scary and not sexy, so I’m singling out this example here.
Sexy Spongebob Squarepants
The sexy SpongeBABE costume? I thought I’d seen it all, and then I realised you can get an accompanying Patrick costume. Surely I’ve seen it all now, at least until next year when a sexy Gary the Snail costume appears, which must at least be a possibility when you consider that the SpongeBabe costume is an officially licensed Nikelodeon product.
Sexy Pebbles from The Flintstones
Pebbles is an infant, making this one all kinds of wrong. Avoid.
Sexy Angry Bird
I can’t even get my head around the fact that this one even exists. Cosplay just died a little inside.
Too. Many. Jokes...Must. Move. On. To. Number. Sixteen…
Sexy Sonic The Hedgehog
Cosplay takes another kicking here with the Sexy Sonic costume. I actually find this one quite amusing, and it is by no means the worst one on the list. That’s not to say its good though, and in my eyes it is still definitely not sexy. Unless erinaceinae are your thing of course. You can also get a Tails costume for your BBF if you really had to.
I really am struggling to find words for some of these now. You can probably just about get away with wearing a Pikachu onesie at home, but a sexy Pikachu costume to wear out on Halloween is just too far. Way too far. If there were a line that you crossed you’d be so far past it you wouldn’t even be able to see it.
Sexy Michael Myers
WHAT IS SEXY ABOUT A MASS-MURDERING SERIAL KILLER WHO REFUSES TO DIE? I guess that never say die attitude of Michael Myers is an attractive quality to some people. Don’t like the Halloween films? That’s cool, you can always go for the sexy Freddy Krueger look instead.
Sexy Frozen Characters
Seriously, just let it go.
Ok, I’m done. Happy Halloween!